Things you need to know when dating a DND player (from the POV of a non DND player)
I love my partner, Jake. Truly. When we first met, I knew absolutely nothing about this secret world. And if I’m honest with you, it’s been nearly 3 years now and I’m still not sure I know what is going on. They’re smart, creative, passionate, and completely committed to their Dungeons & Dragons campaign. Me? I’m still trying to figure out if a bard is a job or some kind of rash. We live together, but every few weeks, they mentally head off to some distant world full of danger, magic, emotional trauma, and, for some reason, morally complex rats. If you’re in the same situation I am in, then fear not, here are some things that I have learnt along the way that you need to know if you are dating a DND player
1. The prep starts early.
Like, really early Weeks before the game starts, your partner is probably buzzing with energy. They might be reviewing character sheets, double-checking notes, drawing maps, or nervously muttering things like, “I hope they don’t go into the cave early.” If they’re the Dungeon Master (DM), there’s a whole behind-the-scenes production going on. If they’re a player, they’re still deep in thought about how to finally confront the demon that cursed their village three sessions ago. You might hear things like: “Do I still have that invisibility potion?” “I really need a long rest before we fight the basilisk.” “Wait, does anyone remember where we left the cart?
2. The gathering of the party is just as key as the campaign itself
If it’s in person, people start showing up, usually with snacks, dice bags and backpacks full of printed-out character sheets and notebooks. There’s a solid 30 minutes to an hour of “pre-game” chatter. Not about the game, just catching up. Someone's talking about their cat, someone else is complaining about work, and eventually someone says, “Okay, should we start?” at least three times before they actually do.
3. They will completely change into a different person
Once they finally start, the room shifts tone. People are in it. Dice start clattering across the table or desk. Someone’s voice drops dramatically as they say, “I want to sneak behind the guard and try to pickpocket the key.” Here’s what you might hear: The DM narrating something like, “As you enter the cavern, the smell of sulfur burns your nose...” Players are arguing about who goes first in initiative. Someone asks, “How hurt do you look? Like, are you limping, or are your guts literally out?” Someone else shouting, “Nat 20!” like they just won the lottery.
4. The whole night is chaos
It’s never quiet. There’s always laughter, yelling, someone crying from a character death, someone else cracking jokes with a terrible goblin voice, or someone trying to make a Very Serious Speech about honor and revenge while the others are giggling over their character’s failed attempt to flirt with a barmaid. The story might start lighthearted, but it can turn deep out of nowhere. One minute, they’re joking about a chicken wearing armour. Next, a character is confronting their long-lost mother, who turned into a lich. And everyone’s dead silent, hanging on every word. And then something will happen that derails everything. Maybe a player casts a spell no one expected. Maybe someone rolls a one and accidentally punches a teammate. Maybe someone decides, out of nowhere, to adopt a cursed talking sword.
5. It Never Ends on Time
If they say it ends at 9? Expect them to still be playing at 10:30. Wrapping up a D&D session takes as long as finishing a Netflix show that just got good. They’re always “about to finish the fight,” which turns into 45 more minutes of strategy, dice, and side quests. After it’s over, your partner is still riding the high. They want to talk about it. They want to relive the moment they tricked the dragon or narrowly escaped the collapsing temple. You nod, you listen, and you maybe ask, “Wait, was that Steve’s character or the villain?” about six times.
But the main thing I’ve learnt and want to share with you? It’s the joy. Yes, you might not have understood what was going on for the last few hours. You might have also lost your living room to a cast of bards, wizards and dwarves. But you’ve also been able to see a journey full of joy and laughter. You may not follow every rule or storyline, but you’ll definitely feel the love, effort, and joy that goes into it, and that’s got to be worth it.